10 January 2025 [Ambivalence]

Day 5: Your parents

Haiiiiiiii, Oh my God! It's been days. I've been postponing, putting aside my duty to write this challenge. It has to be written on 5 January, but here I am writing it at 10. It's okay, I said it for myself. I've been off minded lately and I HAVE TO PUSH MYSELF so that next week I can be back on track. 

SO... I need to write about my parents this time. That's why I put "ambivalence" as the title for this post. 

I learned this word to portray a love-hate relationship. I may quote the description for thisi word here  

am·biv·a·lence

/amˈbiv(ə)ləns/

noun

1. the state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something or someone.

This word is so me, portrays my feelings for them. As a child, I have a lot of trauma but at the same time, deep down I know that they still love me as I am and tried their best to provide me as parents. I know deep down it is not 100% their fault, but I can not pretend that I also know they have fault. A big scar in my heart caused by them but I need to understand as I grew up that this is their first time as a parent and my first time as a child. I am trying to be okay, to understand their point of view as a parent. I know that we have to accept it, learn from it, and be better person. I can't write too much about them, I guess I wanna keep this as my past and I wanna move forward.